So as some of you probably know there’s been an awful lot of death and sickness in those around me the last few years as well as all the covid bullshit and my own physical/mental health issues (as a result of that), and honestly it kinda fucked me up pretty badly for quite a long time.
Irl I’m not a particularly sociable person and don’t really have that many close friends & loved ones so then when ~30% of the few people you care about get sick and/or die in a short space of time, it hits real hard.
Add to that just as I was getting back on my feet mentally after the death of my best friend, (which started this downward spiral) towards the end of 2019, and was getting back into work and camming, and things were starting to look up and going pretty well – then covid hit, lockdowns etc which basically obliterated my camming income once again, so I was back to square 0, virtually overnight.
My partner’s income was also badly affected by covid and she’s got her own health issues too so I couldn’t really do in-person sessions either without risking her health or spending most of my time in quarantine – so we were kinda fucked *again*.
Thankfully even whilst camming/Domming full-time I’d maintained a couple of my previous coding clients, and I’d been doing some coding work on the side for one of my subs, which had been going pretty well, and then just as camming collapsed for me, that coding turned into a regular thing and since then has developed quite nicely from there, and became the rock that helped us survive pretty well, and even start to build back.
The path to rebuilding has been long and difficult but thankfully i *think* most of the major things are taken care of now, so I’ve been able to turn to the other things which were also neglected – the things that make life worth living and enjoyable, rather than just ‘surviving’.
Unfortunately I believe you can’t really be very effective as a Domme if your own life is a dumpster fire (at least to the extent mine was), so along with the practical limitations I wasn’t really able to do much in this area. I’ve tried to continue working on my open-source coding projects but wasn’t really able to face dealing with “people”.
However… despite me effectively abandoning them for a while, my real subs and friends stayed and put up with my constant dark/depressed shit and supported me. Particularly my #1, whose help, support and counsel literally kept me/us alive throughout the darkest times, and for which i will always be deeply grateful <3.
Thankfully – I feel like the “fog” has started to lift somewhat and also realised how much I need my subs, and they kinda need me too…
The best I can describe it is if you just got ripped from your normal life one day and thrown into an endless void for an indeterminate time – and then you’re returned to your life but you find several years have passed and everything is neglected and falling apart..both practical irl stuff as well as professional/personal relationships.
It breaks my heart to see the effects of my neglect, especially as some have suffered horrendous losses of their own, but there was really nothing else I could do.
Either way, somehow, I’m still here, so as of roughly last week I’m effectively “resuming Domming services”.
I don’t really know what that means in practice – I’m still primarily coding at the moment and I don’t plan to change that. I don’t particularly plan to be making clips, doing shoots or camming on adultwork as before. I don’t agree with the creeping censorship and ever-more invasive KYC stuff on cam/clip sites and refuse to engage with it, so my stuff is moving ever more “off grid” and I guess that means I’m more an “independent”/free-range camgirl now if at all – especially as I have my own platforms & operate almost exclusively with cryptocurrency now which bypasses much of that bullshit.
What I do know is that I will try to be there more first and foremost for my subs, whatever that looks like. There may be content but the chances are it’ll be tailored to just them.
Whilst there are still some issues with in-person sessions, I am at least open to the idea, especially for existing subs, and am also open to the idea of new subs, of whom there are already a couple of potentials.
To anyone who’s stayed with me, followed and supported and put up with my newly acquired death-obsession and generally depressed bullshit – Thank you <3
I don’t know how long I’ll be on this plane of existence but despite injury and illness and my best efforts over the last couple of years, somehow I’m still here – so for the moment at least – I’m “back” (again), and whilst somewhat dead inside, I do plan to try and make the most of my remaining time here.